Not only a raise, I'll give him a bicycle.
Champagne for everybody! Champagne!
What do you know? A parking lot for boats!
"V-E-R-A."
- That's correct. - See how smart I am?
- Care to come aboard? - I'd love to, captain.
This is quite a hideout.
Providing you have something to hide.
That can be arranged. Yeah, this is a clever kayak, isn't it?
My husband gave it to me. He's never been aboard.
Why doesn't he try a little Dramamine?
This is the dining salon. And just beyond is the galley.
Where you keep your slaves.
Slaves? Nothing? Well...
And this is the master suite.
By the way, where is the master?
My husband died two years ago. And no cracks.
I was gonna say, if you get tired of being a wealthy widow...
...you might go back to show business.
No, thank you. I like being Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.
I'm not knocking you for being Mrs. Simpson...
...but I just thought you and me, as a team, we'd make a dandy double.
Aren't you afraid you might find me a bit rusty?
Don't be ridiculous.
Why don't you get out of something uncomfortable? I'll audition you.
Oh, Beauty, you have all the subtlety of a battering ram.
But you wrong me, my dear.
I meant perhaps you'd like to run through one of my old routines.
The ones I did before I became an emcee.
No, thank you.
That would bring back too many memories:
The sticks, split weeks, drafty dressing rooms.
Drunks tossing pennies.
That's the story of my life.
But I'm going places one of these days.
I'm gonna have a club all my very own.
My name up in lights.
No hokey waiters rattling plates when I'm on.
No tough managers belting me around.
I'll be my own boss, and nobody owns Joey but Joey.
Chez Joey?
Chez Joey.
Chez Joey, a place with real class.
I might even appear in white tie and tails.
Might even wear an opera hat.
Suave stuff, easygoing stuff.
I might do all of the patter like that.
- Maybe I'll do it in French. - Maybe you'd better not.
That's what I said, maybe I'd better not.
You'd give a lot for a place like that, wouldn't you?
Anything.
How about it? You and me could be partners.
What would I get out of it?
Name something.
There's nothing I don't have.
You want to bet?
After all, two years is a long time between drinks.
Oh, you can hit better than that, partner.
Yes, isn't it?
Linda? You up yet?
I've been up for hours.
Open the door, I want to talk.
What do you want?
What's the idea of all the ice?
You're burned up because I took a powder last night.
What possible difference could it make to me?
Good morning, Snuffy. I have a bone for you.
I might make you a present of Snuffy. I'm planning on blowing this trap.
I'm moving to a place that fits me better.
- You're not leaving the club? - Nope.
I'm gonna take the club with me. Let me show you something.
Look straight up to Nob Hill. That's where I'm taking the club.
Little old me.
- You? - Me.
And Mike, the girls and everybody in the joint.
It's gonna be the same cast, the same booze, but a new address.
How? What happened? Did somebody die?
No, in fact, somebody came to life.
- I have a partner. - Oh, who?
Yes, ma'am, we're gonna have a real classy joint. K-L-A-S-Y.
Who's we?
Me and my partner.
Who is your partner, Joey?
Mrs. Simpson.
Wait, don't get the wrong idea.
This is legitimate business.
- Lawyers, 6% interest, everything. - Everything?
Don't give me that "everything" jazz. This could be my chance.
It could be yours too. I've got an idea for a number in the show.
Tell me, just what do I have to do for it?
Just remember all the lyrics, Linda.
How about Snuffy? Are you gonna take him or aren't you?
You bet I will. Not even a dog should live with you.
Linda, his leash.
Goodbye, Snuffy. So long, old pal.
Lucky dog, living with Linda.
She's really a nice girl...
...she just acts like all nice girls act. Lousy!
- Good morning, Mr. Boss. - How are you, Herm?
Since you have this swell joint, I guess there's no place for me.
- Not at all. You've got a job. - Gee, Joey. Thanks.
Wherever there's mice, there's always a rat.
I'd like them out to there.
Uh-uh. Out to here.
Well, there it is. Chez Joey.
Just like I pictured it to be. A dream come true.
- It means that much to you, huh, Joey? - You bet it does.
It took years of scrounging to get a joint like this.
That isn't how you got it.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said it. Maybe...
Maybe you're in love with her.
He looks a little thin. Don't you feed him?
A lot better than you did.
He just doesn't eat.
Maybe he's getting Ionely.
Don't look at me, I'm eating fine.
Howdy.
Who was that?
One of the mice in the line.
The pretty one?
- I didn't even notice. - You were deep in conversation.
- I was asking about my dog. - Yours?
What's she doing with it?
I gave him to her when I evacuated Mrs. Casey's rattrap.
- Did she live there too? - Yep.
Why didn't you bring him?
Because he wasn't yet yacht-broken.
- When did she spring from the chorus? - Who?
The mouse in the spotlight.
I'm beginning to talk like you.
Oh, you mean Linda?
She's Ned's girl, and he's kind of stuck on her.
We talked it over, and we figured she was ready.
Ready for what?
Very nice, Miss English. That was wonderful. Beautiful.
Pretty good. Let's do the kick-it-around number. Let's go.
Don't you think she was good?
- Not quite good enough. - She's just beginning.
Wait'll you hear this next number.
I think she'd be better off someplace else.
- Would you like to explain that? - I'll make it simple:
She's out.
- You want me to fire her? - Yes, partner.
I figure it's the only way to protect my investment.
I don't mean the club, I mean you.
I think it's a stinking trick.
Come now, Beauty. Don't tell me you've developed a better nature.
Come on, Snuffy.
- Linda, you decent? - Just about. Come on in.
You were so good in that number, I decided to give you something better.
- You did? - A blockbuster.
That's wonderful. Which one?
I thought you ought to do the strip.
But Gladys does that number. You wind up with nothing on.
What do you think I am?
You're the best-built mouse here, so we should take advantage of it.
I won't do it. I'm sticking to my song.
I'm sorry, baby, but I've already given the song to Gladys.
I just thought you'd be pleased.
Wait a minute.
There's something more to this. You wanted me to say no. Why?
Your girlfriend said to get rid of me, didn't she?
But you didn't have the guts, did you? You wanted me to quit.
Chez Joey, that's a laugh. Why don't you change it to Chez Vera?
What are you waiting for? You've run your errand.
What happened to your head?
You ought to know, I didn't have to fire her. She quit.
It's the same thing. Don't worry, she'll have no trouble finding work.
She can always pitch for the New York Giants.
I want a bourbon, straight.
Isn't it a little early in the day for a girl who doesn't drink?
On second thought, make it two.
What's with the watch?
It's getting late. Finish your drink.
What for? We've got all night.
Oh, no, we haven't, Beauty. I'm giving a dinner party.
So?
Put another plate at the table.
It would make 13, and I'm superstitious.
The only thing I'm superstitious about is 13 in bed.
- You'll have to leave. - Okay.
I guess you think I don't know what fork to use. Well, I don't.
I wouldn't eat with those creeps anyway. See you at the boat.
I'll go down and grab a hamburger.
How should I have my hamburger...
...with or without onions?
Without.
You're a cinch.
How come you didn't show?
I had to hear Tristan und Isolde.
Hear them do what?
It's an opera!
Oh, of course.
Then they came here. I couldn't get out.
Aren't you gonna pipe me aboard?
What was that?
I'm listening to the late news. Talk to you tomorrow.
Man's best friend.
Or was that your mother?
Wonder what she'd say if she could see me now?
She'd say that you were stoned.
She'd also want to know why you're here.
I decided to take your offer.
What offer?
The strip. The peeled.
Take it off and let it lay.
You were right.
I do have a good shape.
Confidentially...
...I'm stacked.
I bet you thought I wouldn't.
I bet you thought I couldn't.
But I can.
And I will.
It's all right, Snuffy.
If I walk in my sleep, bite me.
Well! Good morning.
What's good about it?
Your first hangover, huh?
There's a first time for everybody.
Why do people drink when it feels so awful the day after?
Maybe because it feels so good the night before.
What did I do last night?
You kissed me.
I wasn't myself.
Whoever you were, you were great.
- Then what? - Then you passed out.
- I'm ashamed of myself... - Me too.
Why? What did you do?
Nothing.
Let's try on some breakfast. Come on. It'll do you good.
Nice and easy.
Oh, Snuffy, please. Not so loud.
- There you are. - You cook?
You can't go through life on Wheaties alone.
- I couldn't, Joey... - I got an idea.
Here's an old family recipe. Hangovers run in my family.
My old man wrote the book.
I think this'll straighten you out.
Come on, Snuff. Come on. Up.
A bagel.
He learned it from me.
Fine pupil. You really don't feel well, do you?
It's not just the hangover.
Where I come from, a girl just doesn't spend the night on a yacht...
...and then stay for breakfast.
But we don't have any yachts.
- By the way, where do you come from? - Albuquerque.
What's wrong with Albuquerque?
They don't have any yachts.
I'm surprised your mother let you come to the big town.
She said a nice girl is nice wherever she is.
Yeah, I know, and a bum is a bum.
She didn't say that.
Besides, what about last night?
You didn't take advantage of me.
Don't pin any medals on me.
It just so happens, in my book it takes two to tango.
Why are you ashamed of your good impulses?
Maybe it's because I don't get many.
You got a fella in Albuquerque?
I suppose you could call him that. His name's Alfred.
Works in a garage.
A grease monkey! No contest, it's a boat race.
He owns the garage.
I better go. Thanks for everything, Joey.
Snuffy?
I should start rehearsing that number.
Now that you're sober, you still want to do the strip number?
Was it your idea, Joey, or was it hers?
Of course it was my idea. I run the joint, don't I? It says, "Chez Joey."
If you really want me to do it, I'll do it.
Good. I'm glad you decided to.
The first guy who drops a knife tonight gets it in the back.
That's all, kids. Okay, next number.
I never thought she'd do it.
I've seen them come and go, but I thought this one was different.
All right, hold it! Hold it.
Cut.
You can all stop drooling.
Go put your clothes on.
Well, what do you know! Prince Valiant.
I'll hit you in the head. Go do the number.
A pleasure.
Here, try this. Blow your nose.
- I'm sorry. - Forget it.
- It was a nice try. - It wasn't. It was awful.
- I just wanted to die. - I know what you mean.
I guess your mother was right.
A nice girl is a nice girl anywhere, and a bum is a bum.
I shouldn't have let you do it.
Fix your face and put on your dress. We'll do the love song.
Joey, somebody wants to see you.
I won't be long.
Hi, doll. What's the rush? I was rehearsing.
It may not be necessary.
What do you mean?
You lied to me. You told me she quit.
She did, but she decided to come back.
Be reasonable, baby.
She means nothing to me. She's got a sick mother.
Tell her to get Blue Cross.
Get her out!
Is that an order?
Yes, it is.
I don't like orders.
You'll do as I tell you or the club won't open.
You'd chuck the whole thing over a stage-struck little broad?
It isn't just one stage-struck little broad, it's what she stands for.
You paraded her in front of everybody. You made a fool of yourself, of me.
Go out there and tell the girl she's through.
What are you waiting for?
I told you something once. I'm gonna tell it to you again.
Nobody owns Joey, but Joey.
I'll show you who owns Joey.
Mike. Pay everybody off. Chez Joey is not going to open.
- But Mrs. Simpson... - And take down the sign.
Joey, shall I break the news?
Thanks, Mike. I'll do it.
We have the houselights on the dimmer system, all checked out.
Mr. Evans, I've arranged all the flowers like this.
They're lovely. Thank you.
- The tables will be ready for 7:30. - Good.
The mike's okay now. Want to try?
Yeah, I'll try it.
Kids, I've got something to say.
I got a short announcement that'll kill you.
Don't look now, but the joint's folded.
I told you you'd get a laugh.
But I'm not kidding. Chez Joey won't open tonight...
...or tomorrow night or any other night after that.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but the party's over.
The lady picked up her marbles and went home.
- I'm sorry. - Beat it, kid.
I said, beat it! And leave me alone.
Someone to see you, madam.
Show him in.
But it's a young lady, madam, a Miss English.
- Ask her to come in. - Yes, madam.
This way, miss.
- You wanted to see me? - It's about Joey.
I know how you feel, but there's been nothing between us.
Are you sure about that, Miss English?
I am quite sure, Mrs. Simpson.
Let the club open, please.
You're hurting a lot of people...
You're not concerned with them. You're in love with Joey.
Aren't you?
We understand each other. We're alike, Joey and I. The same breed.
I'm not so sure of that.
Joey's better than you think, better than he thinks.
Nobody's better than he thinks.
It may come as a surprise, Miss English...
I do believe there's nothing between you. That makes you dangerous.
He may not know it, but when he told you to keep your clothes on...
...he played the greatest love scene of his career.
I could undress in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel...
...and he'd never turn a hair.
So, you see, Miss English...
...with you on the scene...
...I couldn't possibly reopen the club.
- If I wasn't on the scene? - Well, I...
I might give it serious consideration.
After all, I rather enjoyed owning a nightclub.
It wouldn't do to let him know why you're leaving.
He dislikes being under any obligation...
...except financial.
Why not? I earned them.
You can unpack, Joey. I've changed my mind.
- I said I've changed my mind. - I got ears.
But you don't understand. It's all right. The club will open.
- It won't happen again, Joey. - Sure.
One false move and I'm right out on my Francis.
- That's not true. - Oh, no?
Very well, I'll prove it.
We'll get married.
Oh, no. Don't give me that marriage bit.
Don't do me any favours.
It isn't a favour. I want it that way.
So the lady wants it that way. "Jump, Joey, jump!"
Oh, darling Joey, you've had your fun.
Can't we go now?
I've got a big flash for you. You and me ain't going nowhere.
Don't take it so big, Mrs. Simpson. I'm doing you a big favour.
Darling, I want to marry you.
It'll take more than a license to make an honest man out of a bum like me.
That I'll have to work out myself.
Thanks for the use of the pad.
I guess that's that.
That's that.
Is it...? Is it the mouse?
Maybe.
- Maybe you should tell her. - What for?
Why should I louse up her life?
All of this could have been yours. The whole joint.
And you blew it on account of two dames.
You never seem to learn, do you?
So long, little bird. Don't pick up any nails.
Where are we going?
- What do you mean, we? - We're both out of work, aren't we?
I'm on my way to Sacramento.
Fine. I've always wanted to see the state capital.
Look, you asked me to do the love song with you.
Are you trying to crawl out of it?
- I thought we were good together. - Are you crazy?
I'd probably brush you off before we got to the station.
Why don't you beat it?
I have no desire to be hemmed in.
Why don't you beat it? Take the mutt with you.
Why don't you get out while you've got the chance?
What do you think I'm made of?
Don't you know I got a low boiling point?
I guess we weren't so bad at that, were we?
I can use a girl in the act, give it class.
- I could always do a strip. - Don't bring that up again.
How about my billing?
- What? - My name, my picture.
Oh, yes.
Well, it'll be "Joey Evans and Linda English."
How about "Joey and Linda Evans"? It's shorter.
I got a better idea.
How about "Joey Evans and Company"? That's shorter still.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group